I have dated very sparingly in the last 10 years. Quite frankly, it began as a conscious choice, but ended up as a consequence of a lack of choices.

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It all began in 2002, I guess. Back then, I opted to revel in the silly spoils of singlehood: going out with the boys on a whim, harmless flirtations with random strangers, the countless nights at my disposal to do whatever I wanted to do. It was a lifestyle of unadulterated freedom and endless possibilities, and it was the total opposite of the suffocating 11-year, troubled relationship I had just crawled out of. The bachelor life was exactly what I needed at that point; it restored the light in my then-grim view of the world.

The other edge of that sword, however, was, and still is, the bitter sting of solitude: the unsatiated hunger for profound companionship, the unfulfilled need for someone’s sincere touch, the bottomless supply of nights with no one special to create lasting memories with. Alas, after so many years, the allure of the single life has turned into a tiresome and vacuous existence.

Of late, it feels like a prison cell I’ve been sentenced to for life.

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There’s this pivotal scene in the 2009 movie, Up In The Air, where Ryan Bingham (played masterfully by George Clooney) finds himself asking Alex Goran (Vera Farmiga’s character) on a real date–as in a “date” date. To his sister’s wedding, no less. It was a very uncharacteristic move for the perpetually single and constantly traveling bachelor.

Ryan: “[F]or the first time in my life, I don’t want to be that guy alone in a bar. I want a dance partner. I want a ‘plus one.’ And if you can stomach it, I’d like it to be you.”

It’s a poignant scene (though if you’ve seen the movie, you know how that story went).

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Long after seeing the movie several times, I still relate to Ryan’s sentiments completely. I have grown weary and outright teary of my somber singularity. Before the music fades and the scene turns to black, I, too, pine for a permanent dance partner.

Perhaps the story of me finding a “plus one” is written in a script that’s yet to be played out. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part. I really don’t know. The plot is still pretty much up in the air.